My Emo Live Journal Entry

So before I turn this into the emo, live journal portion of my post, I might as well get by the fun stuff first. This weekend was State Patty's Day in State College. I still don't fully understand why you need an unofficial day full of drinking when St. Patrick's Day is when school is in session. But who am I to try and make excuses for college students to drink. I happened to be in State College and hung out with Jared and his friends for the remainder of Saturday. Although not fully accustomed to drinking for 9 hours, I did, and had fun for the most part. We started at a friend's apartment where it was good fun. We then moved downtown later in the night where we went to the Rathskeller for a quick drink. By then, it was starting to catch up with me, so the Skeller wasn't ideal. We then left and ended up at The Cellblock. Although I'm not into dance clubs and was kind of tired of drinking, it was ok. I did see Sam Glick, which is always a plus to see fellow graduated friends. A good, long State Patty's Day, but kinda disappointed I that I didn't see Greenman anywhere.

Now onto my emo portion of this entry which probably none wants to read and I'm just putting down to get out. I also apologize for speaking on the cusp, more so than normal. So on Saturday I headed down to State College in the morning and dropped by Michelle's place. After much thought for quite some time now, I decided to break up with her and that was the main reason for my travels. We had a nice discussion where I explained my feelings and some of my reasoning I could formulate into words. She seemed very understanding and I was quite surprised at how well she took it. Of course she wasn't happy, but all considering, I thought it went quite well. I explained how it was clear she liked me way more than I liked her back, and that she deserved someone who would like her equally. I explained how it might have worked better as a friendship and told her that I'd be willing to keep her as a friend if she wanted, but understood if she didn't. After talking and consoling for a while, I left to give her space, time, and perspective. When I left she was doing well and was genuinely interested in still being friends or so it seemed. It will be interesting to see how things go from here on to see if now that she had some time, how she will behave differently toward me.
So I think ultimately, the relationship came down to personalities. Many other things complicated the relationship, like being long distance and having vastly different views in terms of politics, religion, and ideals to name a few. When we first started going out, she paid attention to me and was infatuated with me, which was exactly what I needed in a relationship. Also we had similar interests and I was the dominant person in the relationship, determining what to do, making decisions, and not playing my normal submissive role. This was exactly what I needed after my previous relationship and also at that time in my graduation since I had just gotten through some of the worst semesters. Eventually, I found out that her personality was eerily similar to mine and the way I acted when first in a relationship. I found this interesting and understandable since I went through that. Though even later, I think this all started to fail and not feel fresh any more, and I would like to think I know why. Her personality was almost identical to mine, but my weaknesses were even more apparent in her and much "stronger". I to one degree or another am asocial, don't approach people, quiet, don't like confrontation, don't speak up, difficulty in resolving problems, making decisions, dependent, etc. to name a few of my character "defects" for lack of a better word. I feel in a relationship, one aspect people seek out is character traits that complement your own, not to accentuate your weaknesses, which is why some crazy opposites attract towards each other. I feel that the more and more I found out about her personality, the more it only helped accentuate my own weaknesses and dislike those traits. I'm pretty sure I'm just speaking gibberish now, but either way, I am now single and hope that Michelle and I can maybe continue to be friends, since we do have similar interests. I guess that's about it for this emo entry. I guess the obligatory thing to do after writing one of these is to cut myself....
Maybe I'll just pretend.